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Little Red Riding Hood.
 
There once was a girl called Little Red Riding Hood.
 
She was called that because she wore a red hood everyday,
 
like a person with a severe case of obsessive compulsive disorder!
 
One day, her mother asked her to take a basket of goodies to her sick granny.
 
This was a little problematic.
 
Little Red Riding Hood didn't like being told what to do.
 
She wasn't crazy about her granny or old people in general,
 
wasn't nuts about lugging a basket around,
 
plus she hated going into the woods because she had an irrational fear
 
that bugs would crawl up her leg and into her ya-ya.
 
While walking through the woods to her Granny's, a giant wolf appeared!
 
-"Where are you off too?" -"To my Granny's."
 
-"What's in the basket?"-"What are you? The basket police?"
 
"No, I–"
 
"Shouldn't you be on the Discovery channel,
 
chasing an Elk or something like that?"
 
-"No! I just wanted to ask–"-"Save it. We're done here."
 
Little Red Riding Hood continued on her way
 
and the wolf thought to himself, "I know a short cut to granny's."
 
When the wolf got to the granny's house, he quickly ate her.
 
The wolf then put on the granny's clothes and hid under the covers.
 
When Little Red Riding Hood arrived, she said,
 
"Granny, what big eyes you–wait a minute."
 
"Smells like an unwiped ass in here."
 
"Why don't you ask me how big my teeth are?"
 
"Give me an f-ing break! Don't tell me you're the wolf!"
 
"Yes, I am!"
 
"I ate your granny and now I'll eat you too!"
 
Unknown to the wolf, Little Red Riding Hood had
 
the super human strength of ten giant retards.
 
"I don't believe in capital punishment.
 
I'm gonna take you to be neutered."
 
She took the wolf to a veterinarian, who also doubled as the village idiot!
 
Within seconds, the wolf's scrotum and testicles and blood
 
were flying all over the place.
 
When Little Red Riding Hood heard the wolf's agony,
 
she felt bad and she raised the volume on her iPod
 
so she wouldn't have to listen to it.
 
And they all lived happily ever after…except for the granny,
 
who was eaten.
 
Come back next time where you'll hear the fable
 
of the shepherd whose girlfriend was a sheep!